IWSG – Writing Freely

The truth is: Nothing important.

For almost a decade that was my life. There was always something else I could focus on instead of my creative endeavors. From attending Family Dinners with friends that I don’t speak to anymore to travelling to escape my fears, but dragging them along with me, I filled my time with things and experiences. Some are the best memories of my 20s, thankfully there are few I want to forget, but a whole lot of ones I thought were “critical”, I don’t even remember. And those last ones outnumber all the others.

I spent so much time running from creativity in the hopes of finding something tangible, that I completely ignored the fact that writing is tangible.

Sitting in front of a blank page was hard. Still is in fact. Writing was never “practical”—I can get paid faster doing a traditional job—but my mind frame has changed over the past month. I’m no longer scared. Or rather, my desperation for my craft outweighs my fear. I’m diving in freely to writing, to life, to love, to happiness.

And it all came about because of frustration.

I am about to embark on a two-year nomadic journey around the world. As preparation, I decided to get a “real” job to provide a sense of security instead of my prior freelance life. A way to ensure that I had a steady income. It was all going well until this past month.

Money that I was expecting didn’t come in on time.  By the time I’m writing this, I’ve been paid, but the frustration lingers. This was supposed to be the “safe” financial choice, but it’s just as unsafe as what I was doing before.

But even as I railed to my friends about the issue, I can thank it for the fire it lit under me to focus on my writing goals. At the same time the money issue was happening, the Slack workspace for a summer writing workshop I am attending opened up. Being surrounded by folks with such clarity of purpose, the vulnerability of their works, and my desire to dig deep have excised my true writing path. Within two weeks, the plot of a story I’ve been fighting with for over a year became clear. The genre and age category changed drastically, but the path is laid out. It’ll be my most vulnerable work yet, but instead of being scared, I’m excited. I want to share this work, and it’s just pouring out of me.

I’m no longer scared. Or rather, I’m no longer beholden to the negative voice in my head. The one telling me I’m wasting my time or there’s better things to do. Because doing everything right left me high and dry. So, in this case, why not do what I believe in?

My desperation has met inspiration, and I’m ready to soar.