The truth is: Nothing important.
For almost a decade that was my life. There was always something else I could focus on instead of my creative endeavors. From attending Family Dinners with friends that I don’t speak to anymore to travelling to escape my fears, but dragging them along with me, I filled my time with things and experiences. Some are the best memories of my 20s, thankfully there are few I want to forget, but a whole lot of ones I thought were “critical”, I don’t even remember. And those last ones outnumber all the others.
I spent so much time running from creativity in the hopes of finding something tangible, that I completely ignored the fact that writing is tangible.
Sitting in front of a blank page was hard. Still is in fact. Writing was never “practical”—I can get paid faster doing a traditional job—but my mind frame has changed over the past month. I’m no longer scared. Or rather, my desperation for my craft outweighs my fear. I’m diving in freely to writing, to life, to love, to happiness.
And it all came about because of frustration.
I am about to embark on a two-year nomadic journey around the world. As preparation, I decided to get a “real” job to provide a sense of security instead of my prior freelance life. A way to ensure that I had a steady income. It was all going well until this past month.
Money that I was expecting didn’t come in on time. By the time I’m writing this, I’ve been paid, but the frustration lingers. This was supposed to be the “safe” financial choice, but it’s just as unsafe as what I was doing before.
But even as I railed to my friends about the issue, I can thank it for the fire it lit under me to focus on my writing goals. At the same time the money issue was happening, the Slack workspace for a summer writing workshop I am attending opened up. Being surrounded by folks with such clarity of purpose, the vulnerability of their works, and my desire to dig deep have excised my true writing path. Within two weeks, the plot of a story I’ve been fighting with for over a year became clear. The genre and age category changed drastically, but the path is laid out. It’ll be my most vulnerable work yet, but instead of being scared, I’m excited. I want to share this work, and it’s just pouring out of me.
I’m no longer scared. Or rather, I’m no longer beholden to the negative voice in my head. The one telling me I’m wasting my time or there’s better things to do. Because doing everything right left me high and dry. So, in this case, why not do what I believe in?
My desperation has met inspiration, and I’m ready to soar.
The Insecure Writer’s Support Group is a home for writers in all stages; from unpublished to bestsellers. Our goal is to offer assistance and guidance. We want to help writers overcome their insecurities, and by offering encouragement we are creating a community of support.
The awesome co-hosts for the June 7 posting of the IWSG are Patricia Josephine, Diedre Knight, Olga Godim, J. Lenni Dorner, and Cathrina Constantine!
Isn’t this the whole phoenix rising from the ashes in real time? No one ever wants to go through those sort of hard times. And there are plenty of anecdotal sayings about coming out stronger on the other end and what not (hell I opened the comment with one). Either way, yay for finally being paid, and double yay that you are finally, truly ready to take that next step with your creative pursuits.
Welcome home – to the highly creative world of writing!
Isn’t it wonderful to discover what gives you the utmost happiness? Wishing you the best for your story!
How exciting to leave fear behind and embrace your creative goals! Good luck as you work on your new project and embark on your journey. I hope you’ll share your progress on both so I and others can follow along.
Great backstory. I’m a month late, but I hope it is working out!
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